I've been off-blog for awhile, but not really off-program. Well, sort of off-program. I slacked off during the "recovery week" 2 weeks ago, and then struggled to get back in the groove last week, and this week, I'm off to a rockin' good start, except that I'm too tired tonight to do my Plyometrics. That workout is so friggin hard!!! And I've got swing dance class tonight, and I ran this morning and took a super-mega-long walk in the park after spending an hour at the pool in the sunshine! So I'm all happy and sunshiney, but I'm also pretty tired and want to save something for dance class.
The big thing right now is that I'm back to 100%. Something clicked. We were having a great chat on RawFu about addiction, and I recognized (again) how addicted I am to certain cooked foods, and how it doesn't take much, just one bite, and I'm hooked. My behavior with those foods is dangerous - I hide it, I sneak it in the house, I'll steal from my BF's stash if he's got something I'll eat, I binge on it, I throw it away and retrieve it from the garbage, I'll go out of my way to go get some if I don't have any in the house, I'll even go to different stores so no one selling it to me thinks I'm going to eat all of that at once! This is not normal, healthy behavior. This is a junkie getting a fix! And I realized, being full of crap and disgusted with myself is NOT the way I want to live my life!! what's more, I realized I was at a turning point: I could quit raw - give up the illusion that I am a raw foodist, let go of all my knowledge, stop trying and go back to a SAD vegan diet - or I could quit cooked, once and for all. Here's the picture each option painted:
I give up eating raw. Not that I give up eating fresh fruits and veg, I just give up the illusion that those foods make up a significant portion of my diet. Instead, I eat whatever vegan foods I want, which includes a lot of chips and bread and soy products. Eventually, over time, perhaps I even get sloppy with the vegan part and start eating dairy and eggs again and go to being a lacto-ovo vegetarian. I gain about 20 pounds, maybe more. I don't really have the energy to exercise, but I do, because I'm constantly trying to lose weight, but it doesn't budge. I look terrible, and the ageing that I've been so successfully avoiding, catches up. I don't have the energy to go out and adventure, and I don't have any sexual energy either, plus I hate the way my body looks and feels. This has a negative impact on my relationship, so I lose that too. My life is in a tailspin, I'm incredibly unhappy.
I give up eating cooked. Wow! All of a sudden, I have boundless energy that has been released from somewhere deep within. I lose those pesky last 10 pounds and keep it off. I exercise not just every day, but all the time. Sleep like a baby. Love my body, feel like the sexiest thing on the planet, and my BF appreciates this! Even more, he appreciates how happy and full of life I am, and how ready I am for any adventure he dreams up. He loves his little fruit bat! What's more, my life is so full of integrity. Top to bottom, nothing is out of alignment, because I am so clear about my direction and my inner authority.
Gee - between the 2 options, it wasn't a hard determination. And the first one is not much of an exaggeration. It's just a mild extrapolation from where my life is when I'm eating mid-raw.
So - April 15, 2009 was the last time I ate cooked food. I'm not changing the date.
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