november 2: temperance

as in - to temper something, to make it mellower.

i have to take valium tomorrow morning. i'm pretty nervous about this. i don't want to do it. so i decided to eat fat tonight. i went to whole foods and got their pad thai and some "crackling cauliflower," which is raw curry cauliflower, and a packet of dehydrated almonds with yeast and bragg's and crap. i did this absolutely on purpose. i did it to thicken my blood and make me less clean and sweet and vulnerable to the valium. i did it to temper the valium.

and i feel disgusting. i thought, too late, about eating some cooked food instead. i think that might have been better. you know, a vegetarian burrito, beans and rice and guacamole. i think that would have been far easier on my system, while still clogging it up nicely. i may still do it. i just don't want to walk in there just all fruity and throw some narcotics down my throat and have a really horrible reaction! that would basically suck. i feel like if i'm going to do cooked meds, i should have cooked food to temper it out. maybe that doesn't make sense - extra work for my digestive system, extra work for my immune system. these drugs are designed to be used by sick people, not by well people. i'm very well, thank you very much. so that's where i am now.