november 6: beans

i want beans. i honed down my "vegetarian burrito" craving - after the other night, i don't want the white flour tortilla, or the pico de gallo, or even the guacamole anymore. i suppose this is progress. but the black beans and rice - that i want! or, even more so, i want the vegan refried beans and corn tortillas at mr natural up the street. i'm having black bean soup and cornbread for thanksgiving dinner, and hummus and pita bread for christmas dinner, but right now i'm wanting this beans-and-grains combo-abombo daily. i want it now. it's 7.30 in the morning, and it sounds good to me.

there's something in me that doesn't want to be raw anymore. it wants to be an "anything as long as its vegan" cooked food vegan. what is this little part, and why is it here now? i've played with it before - i've given it what it wants. it's never pretty. i know that experimenting with it now would be like getting off the train and the wrong station - it would move me no closer to my goals, and it would keep me stuck while waiting for the next train to arrive.

what's more, i've given myself a very clear challenge to stay 100% raw, 100% 811, 100% no overts until thanksgiving day. obviously, eating beans and tortillas would kinda go against that! why is this plaguing me now? i've been so good for so long! why now? it's very frustrating, and i'm not really enjoying the experience of it.

some would say, "just eat it. your body wants it." but i can feel that my body doesn't want it. my body wants... to go live under a mango tree!

i listened to a dr doug interview last night, in hopes that it would inspire this craving out of me. it was inspirational, for sure, but ugh! still here. one thing that i liked that he said was "you haven't earned the right, with your cooked food body, to just 'go natural' overnight!!!" he spoke in favor of dental care, and bathing, which was good, specifically in the dental care aspect. and what i took from that as well is that we have to keep processing our raw food. we have to keep blending it, until our bodies have earned the right to chew and digest on our own. that's what i have to keep doing, and keep moving forward, stay on this train. not get derailed.