july 22: finding stasis

i'm finding a lot of comfort and stability within myself with this whole decision to stay in the "not looking" zone while i embark on my 100 day raw food challenge. i feel like that gives me the freedom to just be myself. if my lifestyle makes me less attractive to the mainstream, then is that my loss? i don't think so. doesn't mean i don't want to be seen for who i am! but i really want to get this burden (of looking) off my plate.

my biggest struggle is the false beleif that i have that being single makes me "less than" people who have someone, that it makes me less attractive and somehow less human, less a part of the human family.

going raw strips you down. it takes away most of your hiding places. right now, the only place i have to hide is in the truth. hiding in plain sight. a fellow rawfu'er, sarabethxvx, applauded my "courage" to post my before pictures. i replied back that it doesn't feel like courage. this whole journey - the community, the blog, the pictures, the daily food choices, my yoga practice, the whole bit, feel like one thing and one thing only: CHOICELESSNESS.

there is absolutely no CHOICE in it anymore. yes, i mean, i could choose to run and hide, i could choose to do otherwise, but that would be self-destruction. it would be battling myself. and it would create a false and horrible life. so, here i am, world! bare and Raw and open. use me as you will. use me as you need to. that's why i'm here.

and this total exposure feels stable.